porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
