Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
