Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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