Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
