i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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