CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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