Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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