and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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