Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
