walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
