hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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