I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
