In the future we'll all be gay
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize