Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
