I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
