Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
