stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
