that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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