ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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