im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
