if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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