Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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