it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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