You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
