in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
