Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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