i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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