Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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