FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
