Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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