Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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