end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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