I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
