Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
