I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
