I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
