Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
