officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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