Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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