i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you traded sex for a burrito?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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