Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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