you're like a bully in the Christmas story
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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