How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
