I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
