Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
