Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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