sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
