He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
