I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
