i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
