but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car