I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome