if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal