Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom