Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
