1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
