how can u be prego again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
