can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
