your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
