The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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