She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
