Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
