ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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