I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have peed in a lot of sinks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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