Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
