yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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