i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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